I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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