just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
