Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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