a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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