YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
