you didnt know i had herpes?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
