you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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