Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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