Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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