I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
