yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
