Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
