I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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