you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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