If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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