Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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