I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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