I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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