No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
