i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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