Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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