just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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