so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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