Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need moral support for this bender
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
