my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
