my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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