In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
