just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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