every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
