so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
