I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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