I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
