So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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