He kissed a someone with a penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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