last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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