mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
