I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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