Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she pinky promised me she was 18
i drank out of a bidet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
