Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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