finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am one with the molecules
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
