meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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