theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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