ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
