Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
