Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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