Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
