never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We have so much sex to catch up on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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