this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
