fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
