just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
