She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
