Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dicks are not precious.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
