I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
