He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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