youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
