I looked at my own cervix.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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