my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He felt like a one man threesome
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
