i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
