Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
