david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
