God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize