Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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