cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can text with my tongue
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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