I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
