Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
