so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
