NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have already put on my inside pants.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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