...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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