You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think a kid would responsible me up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
