It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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