I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
