If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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