Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
