i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
